Let me ask you something lovely being … Do you have a sense of self? Are you allowing everyone and everything to run your life, or do you have healthy boundaries?
For most of my life I had absolutely no sense of self. I had no clear boundaries and I just allowed everyone to invade my physical, emotional and spiritual space. Everyone else’s needs were priority and, because I had such a weak sense of awareness of my own needs, they were ignored.
Having a weak sense of self meant I over-empathized with others to the point of taking responsibility for their feelings and their actions. I was unable to see myself as a separate, unique individual; I didn’t know who or what I was. I could only see and feel the unworthiness and the pain of not been seen or heard or acknowledged that, because I had no boundaries, would just ooze out all over the place with the slightest trigger. I was disconnected from myself and piece, after piece, after piece, I had chipped away at my authenticity, my uniqueness and my truth and totally lost myself along the way. I basically lived my life walking, plodding, running around, tip-toeing and falling over in other people’s shoes.
We need boundaries
One of the most important lessons I learnt in my magical park was that we need roots – solid roots, we need a form, a container, and we need boundaries. We need boundaries to be us, we need boundaries to be an individual, otherwise we are everyone else; we are trying to be everyone else, we want to be liked and accepted by everyone else.
Without boundaries we can never know who and what we are. In order to know ourselves we must be able to say “I am this” or “I am that”, otherwise, we just identify ourselves according to other’s expectations and needs, beliefs and limitations. We are just someone’s wife, or husband, or partner, or friend; we are just someone’s mother, or father, or daughter, or son, and we walk through life wearing their shoes.
The awareness and image and knowledge of self that we carry within and without us every single day is our sense of self. With a healthy sense of self and self-awareness, we are able to say “this is me” and “this is not me”; this is what I need, and this is what I don’t need; this is what I believe, and this is what I don’t believe; this is what I want, and this is what I don’t want in my life.
Self-responsibility & self-care
A sense of self is an essential ingredient for self-responsibility. If we cannot see ourselves as separate beings, we are not able to take responsibility for our choices and our actions, and we blame and resent others for our life situations and feelings. Without a willingness to see ourselves as an individual with the divine right to be here, we cannot claim or stand in our own immense power.
Creating and cultivating healthy boundaries around ourselves is self-care at its deepest level and a profound and sacred act of self-love. With boundaries we are able to enter into a space of self-reflective consciousness, self-knowledge and self-awareness, and it is in this space that we begin, not only to define ourselves, but also to build a healthy and loving relationship with ourselves.
The need for boundaries, is not to put a brick wall around our heart, or harden it in any way, but to have a container capable of building up and holding onto dynamic energy and love within us so that we can heal ourselves and then allow this loving energy to overflow out to others. We need a container that is capable of filtering and checking all incoming and outgoing information to determine whether it is true, or false, whether it is ours, or theirs, whether it is acceptable, or not to us. With such a container, we are able to choose and select what stuff we want to allow in and what stuff we don’t; what we are willing to accept and what we choose to discard.
Commitment to ourselves
It is not an easy task, all kinds of emotionally charged reactions can come up in the other people; it requires boldness and courage and, above all, it requires practice and great commitment to ourselves.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves,
Are you making this commitment to yourself? Are you ready to make this commitment to yourself lovely being?
Know that you are so worth it; know that you are so enough!
Make the commitment today to stand up and claim yourself; to own who you truly are and to make yourself a priority in your life. Allow the sacred love and light within you to nurture and take care of you and then allow it to overflow out into the world and contribute to making it a better, more compassionate and more loving place for all.
Much love and fragrant blessings
Your presence is your power. If you are ready to stand up and claim your true self; if you are ready to make changes in your life but don’t know how to create a daily practice of presence and connection and would like some support, then why not apply for a Fragrance of Being Session. Just click on the link to book a session; it’s my present to you.