Self-love is no way selfish; it is a wonderful gift, you not only give to yourself, but to every living being.
Have you ever wished there was a simple way to stop all that pain and silence those poisonous never-ending voices inside your head, and outside of you, that continually tell you that you are bad and selfish and useless? Those voices that tell you that you are nothing and never will be anything; those voices that tell you that you are unworthy of being loved because you are not good enough or beautiful enough or intelligent enough; those voices that tell you that nothing will ever change, it’s all your fault and you are getting what you deserve anyway.
Have you ever imagined how it would feel to look at life through fresh eyes, to experience a wonderful sense of discovery not only of who you truly are, but of others and nature and the environment around you? Have you ever imagined how it would feel to stop feeling so broken and just know that you are whole and empowered and in control of your life? Have you ever imagined how it would be to wake up to each new day with joy, feeling good about yourself, recognising your self-worth, loving every single part of you – flaws and all?
Let me ask you something…do you love yourself? Are you kind and gentle with yourself? Do you acknowledge and listen to your needs? Or are you always saying Yes! to everyone and everything and saying No! to yourself?
If someone had asked me these questions a few years ago, I would have squirmed at the thought! Love yourself? Really? I had absolutely no idea what that meant or even where to start! And anyway wasn’t loving yourself just being plain selfish?
I didn’t know then that self-love was even an option
I had no idea what self-love was or that it was even an option. And every time I did try to do something for me, I was shamed into believing and feeling that I was bad person and only thought of myself.
I’m a survivor from a very emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and marriage of 26 years. As a result of this relationship I struggled with chronically low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and I never felt enough or worthy enough for anyone or anything. I felt totally misunderstood, overwhelmed, lost, insecure, and I was on tender hooks all of the time – and I mean all of the time! I couldn’t speak up for myself, I would just choke up and cry because over the years I had silenced my own voice rather than his.
I was a chronic people-pleaser
I tried so hard to be and do what everyone else wanted but no matter what I did or how much I did, it was never enough or it wasn’t the thing I should have done and I should have known better. I was terrified to say no, as I would, not only be told I was a really bad person, but I would be letting someone down, hurting someone’s feelings, disappointing someone who would then be extremely upset and angry with me and my life would be even harder to bear! So I said yes to pretty much everything and everyone… and yes, and yes, and yes again …time after time after time!
I never had time to myself or for myself; I was too busy running around after others, taking care of others, juggling the housework and cooking and a job. I adored my kids and loved being with them; they were my joy, but the rest of my life was so hard to bear. I had numbed my pain and my feelings with anything I could and squashed everything down as deep as possible, in order to get myself through the day. I could not relate to the out-side world; I just didn’t fit into it. I was exhausted, joyless and full of resentment. I would constantly be woken up in the middle of the night by the resentful thoughts going round and round in my head and the angry emotions swirling round my body. The next day, I’d get up exhausted from lack of sleep, full of self-reproach and bully myself into squashing everything down deep again and carrying on as usual. It was easier and safer that way. The truth was I had completely lost my sense of self – or maybe I never had a sense of self – and I had rendered myself powerless.
We have been taught that self-love is selfish!
NO! Absolutely NOT! Certainly NOT! NO way! We are being selfish when we expect others to give up their lives and happiness and time and money for us. We are being selfish when we demand that others prove their love for us by doing what we want them to do, rather than doing what is important or good for them. We are being selfish when we manipulate others to do what we want, take care of us, expect them to fix our lives and fulfil our needs. We are being selfish when we expect people to be how we want them to be and don’t give a damn how they feel. We are being selfish when our needs and our goals are all that matter and everything we do is motivated by what we can get out of the situation. We are being selfish when we quickly pull out the weapons of guilt, shame and blame when we don’t get what we want and actually accuse others of being selfish to us!
In reality, when we are selfish we have no love or respect for ourselves, let alone any love or respect for anyone else. When you do not give yourself love and kindness and compassion, you cannot give love and kindness and compassion to others. You can only give what you have inside, and inside you will have resentment and impatience and intolerance and selfishness.
Self-love is a heart-centered state of being
It is unconditional love, that expands and embraces and encircles everyone and everything. The more you love and respect yourself, the more you love and respect others, the environment, the earth. Self-love means taking responsibility for your life and your personal growth. It means respecting, nurturing and being kind. It means recognising and accepting differences and uniqueness. It means developing more forgiveness, empathy, compassion, not only for yourself, but for every living being on this planet.
Choosing to love yourself is a powerful act of Universal Love. You experience a wonderful sense of discovery, not only of who you truly are, but of others and nature and the environment around you. You see everything with fresh eyes and treating yourself with love and respect, you automatically treat others in your life in the same way. Your intentions and actions come directly from the heart; you see yourself more positively, you accept yourself, you nurture yourself, you listen to your needs. You stop self-judgement, you take inventory of all your amazing qualities and achievements and you begin to appreciate your uniqueness. You look within you and face your wounds and pain with love, you let go of what no longer serves you, you create healthy boundaries and stop allowing everyone and everything to walk in your space with their dirty feet! You fill yourself up with so much love, it just overflows out into the world and your life automatically begins to change and suddenly becomes full of possibility.
Learning self-love is like learning a new language
I’ve been a teacher and learner of foreign languages for more years than I care to remember and I realised that learning to love yourself is actually just like learning a new language! The words and concepts all sound so foreign and strange to us. We hear the words, we try to repeat them, intellectually we try to understand how and when to use them but, they are so unfamiliar; we don’t resonate with them, they feel awkward on our tongue. Just like those times when we are on holiday in a foreign country and someone suddenly comes up to us talking and gesticulating away, and we don’t have a clue what they are saying, or what we should do, and we just stand there squirming with discomfort!
I know that feeling very well and, until only a few years ago, I too could not understand this ‘foreign’ language, or could have ever imagined, let alone believed, how much my life would transform once I finally did.
I now define me with the love I know that I am, and the same love I know that you are too. I now stand filled and empowered in that love that can now flow out into the world and be of service to others.
Do you speak Self-Love?
My wish is for everyone to begin to speak this ‘foreign language’; to truly understand what self-love is and what it isn’t; to experience how loving yourself and allowing your true self to emerge can transform your life too. Learning to love yourself completely, like any language, is not something you can just achieve in few days; it’s a continuous unfolding day after day; month after month; year after year. It starts with little steps, continuous steps; it takes practice, but do you know anything worth attaining that does not take practice? We need to begin with the ABC’s, to begin with the core vocabulary and concepts and we need to practice and practice and experience the language until we get more fluent; until it becomes a natural and integral part of who we are. If we want change in our life, we have to make change, and we have to be prepared to do the work one day at a time; one day after another.
The A-Be-C of Self-love – discovering and loving all of who are
I have created a course that does just that. A course that teaches you – the A-Be-C of loving and acknowledging and nurturing yourself!
Let me tell you about it…
The course is created around the 26 letters of the alphabet. Each day we will look at one letter and focus on three or four words beginning with the letter of the day.
Each word will be an important concept of self-love, self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-care and discovering and owning who you truly are. With each letter you will become more familiar with the language of self-love and begin to understand it’s true meaning and significance in your life. I will show you how you can implement these concepts into your daily life to help you expand your consciousness and sense of self and provide you with effective, yet simple tools and experiential exercises to use each day to get you started on the journey to truly loving yourself and transforming your life.
This course is for you, if you…
- have no idea what the concept of self-love is or where to start;
- are continuously saying YES! to others and NO to yourself;
- are continuously nurturing others and never acknowledging your own needs;
- struggle with low self-esteem, guilt, shame, unworthiness;
- define yourself according to other people’s perceptions and definitions of you;
- are continuously comparing yourself to others and think you are not enough because you are not like them;
- can’t relate to the out-side world because you feel you don’t fit into it;
- are feeling lost, insecure, lonely, worried, misunderstood, exhausted, overwhelmed most of the time;
- try so hard to be and do what everyone else wants but whatever you do is never enough;
- can’t focus on or conclude anything, not even the things you love doing or feel called to do;
- live each day as if it is just something to get through in order to someday live the life you long for;
- are ready to say ‘Enough is Enough!’ and take responsibility for your own well-being;
- are ready to infuse your life with self-love and let go of self-sabotage and judgement;
- are ready to be empowered and stop caring what other people think of you;
- are ready to transform your life and this time to create it on your terms.
This course isn’t for you, if you…
- are looking for a quick fix and aren’t prepared to be and do the necessary work;
- are not ready to take responsibility for yourself or your life;
- expect others to fix your life and fulfil your needs;
- aren’t open to possibilities and change;
- are more committed to staying stuck than creating time for you;
- are already swimming in the sea of self-love.
What transformation can I expect from this course?
With this course you will begin to…
- experience a profound shift in your sense of self;
- perceive and connect to your own true presence;
- create a connection with the Infinite Being of Love that dwells within you;
- wake up to the truth of who you are and what you are not;
- own your uniqueness;
- overcome self-doubt and negative self-talk;
- stand for and stand up for yourself and stand strong;
- open up to the inner power and potential that is yours;
- change your beliefs, your story and your reality;
- build a new reality based on love, balance and inner power;
- believe in yourself and your gifts;
- experience more love and compassion for yourself and others;
- wake up in the morning wanting to shine your light with joy.
About the course…
- When does it start?
The course starts, lovely Being, when you are ready to begin the journey of self-love and self-awareness; when you are ready to experience how loving yourself and allowing your true self to emerge can transform your life.
- How long will it last?
The course is self-paced and you will have access to the materials for life. There are 26 letters of the alphabet, so you can focus on a letter a day, or a letter a week; just go at your own pace. You can do the whole cycle of the 26 letters and then repeat the cycle again and again, because each time you will find that different things come up for you. The only thing that you must commit yourself to doing daily, are the exercises I give you.
- What will I receive?
You will receive:
- 4 weekly workbooks to download (pdf) and complete each day. The activities and practices are all very short – each one takes from only 30 seconds to just a few minutes to complete – to be done in the morning to start your day with love, during the day, and in the evening before you sleep. Don’t worry, it’s all very gentle and nurturing and not overwhelming. I want you to be kind and gentle to yourself, not overwhelm you even more!
- 4 videos on the life-changing power of self-love; of the words I AM; of knowing who and what we truly are; of being in nature.
- mp3s focusing on each letter, that you can download to your PC, tablet or phone, and listen to wherever you are, or whatever you are doing;
- guided meditations to download (mp3);
- exercises to download (pdf);
- Effective, yet simple tools, concepts and experiential practices to help you to begin transforming your sense of self and laying the foundations for lasting change in your life.
- Lifetime access to the program content and recordings.
4. How much does it cost?
The cost for the entire course package is €157.
There is also the option of buying a package of 3 personalized 1:1 sessions with me to go hand in hand with the course, where you can…
- receive more personalised and focused guidance and support to take conscious, inspired and committed action to truly loving and accepting yourself;
- learn to live more consciously throughout your day;
- develop more awareness of self, your presence and the presence of the Infinite Being of Love within you;
- develop more awareness of your own limiting patterns and behavioural responses;
- go in more depth with your own personal challenges to discovering and loving all of who you are;
- create with me your own personalised daily practice of self-love and self-presence.
The course + a package of 3 personalised 1:1 sessions with me (a 1 hour session a month for 3 months) costs €497.
There is also an installment option for this package of 3 monthly installments of €166 .
Self-love is calling you lovely being!
The time has come to take care of yourself, to nurture yourself, to listen to your needs. It’s time to treat yourself with love and respect and allow yourself to bloom into who you truly are; your magnificent, unique self. It’s time to love yourself gently, passionately, softly, wildly and every single way in between? Why? Because it is totally life-changing!!
Much love and fragrant blessings to you.
My mission is to hold a space for those who are hungry to know who and what they truly are. I want to help others to stand up and claim their own BEingness, their own uniqueness. I want to guide and support others on an empowering journey of letting go of what they are not and bringing to light their true nature, their own unique expression of self, their own truth through the sacred words of I AM. My wish is for others to discover and bathe in their own unique Fragrance of Being.